Unbelievable.
2014. January.
26th. (Nearly the end of Jan)
After I came to Korea, I have come to realize that time goes faster here.
I am so nervous these days it's inexplicable..
First, starting on March, I will be a senior. Meaning I will soon apply to college and take tests to apply for colleges
Second, or THEREFORE, this is my last school year. GUAOGELJ;A;OFIEJADFKLSJ
NOO....I want to live as a student alittle longer...
Ugh. I am taking my tests in July...and I know I have to study and stuff but I always end up fooling around. So I decided to replace my smartphone with a brick style..which is totally embarrassing since like 99% of people I see on the street owns a smartphone and I don't.
So far, well now it has been like 3 weeks I guess, the change have been positive. I feel like I am able to concentrate on my studies more when I do my homework and stuff.
What really makes me feel crappy is the workload they give me.
They-> academy.
I go to an academy where they teach English and Korean for my College entrance exam.
*wait, I think I need to explain the exam thingy.
So basically, for regular Koreans, like 99.9% of them, they take the Korean version SATs on November. They get tested on 5 subjects. Math, Korean, English, Science (biology/chemistry/etc), Social studies (Morals(?)/Law) and you choose one subject out of all the options in science and social studies.
But for me, who have been moving around countries, it is pretty impossible to take the SATs the other 99.9% do. This is mainly because of the level difference in Math and Korean, which people like me have obvious disadvantage. (You know, International school Math level is no way near Koreans'.) Therefore, we get a privilege, which I am immensely grateful for, to take another test that is very different from the regular Korean SATs.
First, instead of taking 5 subjects, we only get tested on two: English and Korean.
Second, the korean SAT takes place only once in a year. But for people like me, we are able to take our tests depending on the university's schedule beacuse we go to the uni to take the test.
Anywho, at my academy, we take a regular exam every Monday. We get tested on the material we learnt last week. Then, the malicious teachers post all our scores on the test and rank it. WITH THE NAME. So basically everyone can see how well you do and see who doesn't.
Believe it or not, I usually rant 1st in English. (I now, which this proficiency, I rank 1st out of 98students at the academy. I didn't believe it either) but~~when it comes to Korean..
Dan Dan Dan? (?) or is it Dun Dun Dun..(????)
I hit rock bottom.
It's mostly because of Korean Grammar. >_<
In Korean, we have spelling, and usually it's not as straightforward as English. So I get confused and the pronounciation! ugh. we have all these rules that follows with Koreans and complicated. +not to mention I get suddenly dizzy when I take the Korean test..
____________
When I log on on facebook, it seems like everyone in Israel I used to know, are enjoying their life and hanging out, having no stress over college (although I am probably wrong)
It obviously makes me compare my life with them and get all moody. lol
oh and yeah, did I tell you.. oh I probably didn't, I had a boyfriend last year lol
We had known each other intimity for more than a year and 6 months..? and he asked me out like in November.. I recall.
To cut to the chase. I didn't like him but agreed to date..
I don't know what was with me that made me take that..heinous decision really lol
I guess I thought I would end up liking him somehow if I spent more time and make physical contacts.. lol but it didn't work. lol
I always felt him no more than a friend like Thomas and I always had an excuse for not having a date. I mean, we didn't even have a meal together lolllllllllll
But you see, if he only liked me, and nothing else, I would have broken up much earlier without hesitation. But! he said the L word which made me especially uncomfortable because that day was only like... the third day of our relationship!?!?
I know. And here, you might think, "Dumb Yejun, he said that with no real emotion and probably is a habit." but guise, I swear it wasn't that.
I could just see from his eyes that I meant more than just a human being or someone he meets in life. lol I could be wrong.. but I am pretty sure by 98%.
He woke me up everyday, he bought me food to my house when I said I craved for a doughnut (which kinda yeah, did move me) and all sorts of small gestures ranging from holding my heavy bag and stuff.
Then.
I realized Christmas was coming up.
Unlike like America, or any other country, Christmas is a day for couples than family and religion in Kroea. So my ex boyfriend told me that he would like to buy a couple ring on Christmas day and said all these places he wanted to go that day. But when I heard all those massive plans, I felt so guilty because I wasnt feeling the way towards him as he did for me. I felt like he desereved someone better than me.
So. I decided to tell him that I wanted to remain our relationship as only friends.
ugh. that was TUFF. Tough.
It's funny because I seem to make the same mistake in this love affair thing.
I always end up hurting someone. :<
I hope I make the right decisions next time..
until then, bye! xoxo
