My speechh!!!

ahhhhhhhh 

I am writing this during my lunch right after I finished my speech because I need to write how I feel when I still have the feeling inside my mind. 

OKAY 

So during Art, which was in B block, I started to have a little bit off melt down because of the speech. 

I didn't practice my speech for 2 days because I wasnt in the mood and felt really depressed for a while.

BECAUSE ANNA LEFT
AND I WAS VERY SAD

IT WAS THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE ACTUALLY LEFT ME 

Well yes. Yasmin left too. But because she didn't come to school long before she actually left, I didn't really feel the impact hard... 

ANYWAY I BLAME YOU ANNA 

lol 

jokes. It's 100% my fault I felt sad that Anna left me. 

ah... I actually had a dream yesterday Anna came back to school 

I was extremely happy. 

When I woke up I nearly started to cry. 

So I ate another snickers but didn't work. 

ugh I just ate few calories for nothing 

Anyway 

I was 5th out of 10 people for the speech final. 

When Michael said my name, I just somehow, blanked out. 

I dont know why 

I just blanked out and when I was walking to the podium, it felt like an hour. 

When I started to wear the vale, I was thinking "What am I doing"

And then I realized I am giving a speech. 

When I finished my 'intro' part, my mind was still blank like a new white A4 paper. 

It was my first time I felt that 'b.l.a.n.k'

Remember, I had my first meltdown thingy like 3 months ago

And now, I had my first total blank out. 

It doesn't feel good when you have a blank out. 

But because I did my speech like at least 20 times, it just came out of my mouth when I was not even thinking. 

It's like.. working at Mc Donalds. You do the same thing everyday. And when you try to do it while thinking, it ruins you and you realize you are doing something wrong but you realize it too late you start to mutter and stammer 

I found it amusing when I was doing my speech. How I am stammering and getting all the sentences wrong because I just had a blank out. 

It's a funny feeling that I don't want to feel ever again. 

It's confusing.. 

Anyways, I didn't do well at all. 

I had to pause few times to make corrections and skipped few sentences and just did everything wrong. 

It really is different to talk to a 12 student class room than to speak infront of 250 people staring at you in a big place. 

But whatever, I am just pleased at myself that I managed to be at the final round. 

And you know what's REALLY weird?

You get this 'emptyness' after you finish your speech. 

The emptyness felt so huge and big it was great. 

I didn't have that feeling when I was doing at my class. But because I was totally freaked and nervous about this speech thing, it felt like a rock gone. 

I really now understand the phrase of "stone moved out from your chest"

In conclusion, Fiona totally OWNED the audience. 

her speech was the best thing I EVER heard in my life. 

WHY IS SHE SO PerFeCT 

I thought Min would get an award because she was so confident and believed in her self. 

Also because she is a senior 

But really, Fiona again, just owned the audience and spoke in a well-done manner all the teachers in the end stood up for her. 

She is so PERFECT 

adlsfjadslfjalkdfja;lfd llol 

When I heard Leah's I was like wooah 

she's good. 

But I could hear her properly because the damn microphone didn't work well 

ladsjflkadsjf

talking about microphone, ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I am serious, I HAVE AN ISSUE WITH MICROPHONES

everytime I do something infront of a microphone, I fail and do bad. 

Josh's speech was brilliant 

I wish I had that confident and good voice and stuff. 

I just fliped when I saw Josh with the dress in the last moment 

laughed so much. 

I was happy to laugh too! 

Because I AM DONE WITH MY SPEECH CAREER!!!